By asking them what you could do better next time, or getting them to demonstrate exactly how theyd like something done, youre showing your partner that youre not deliberately trying to upset them, you just dont see the same issues as them. All Rights Reserved | Contact Us | Advertise | Privacy Policy, How To Stop Nitpicking In A Relationship (For Both Parties). Rather than immediately pick on the negatives, teach yourself to focus on the positives in everything theyve done first. It might be that your partner has a habit of saying that they can do something better than you, never being able to accept that just because you do something differently to them, it doesnt mean its wrong. And when yelling and screaming is combined with physical posturing, it is often threatening and punishing regardless of the words being said. When their . They might not be in a place mentally or physically where they can keep up with your expectations, and as someone who loves them, you need to be sympathetic and supportive. While you may not be conscious of your nitpicky acts, others are watching your actions. "Healthy feedback is about the behavior and not the person," said Kurt Smith, a therapist in Roseville, California, who specializes in counseling men. After all, everyone has their flaws and weaknesses. Words matter. 2020;15(10):e0229316. If you want to learn how to stop nitpicking in a relationship, see your partner as a human. See additional information. What are examples of nitpicking? - TimesMojo We rationalize, excuse, and accept behaviors that are, in fact, abusive. In that case, when things go wrong, we need to take a long, hard look at ourselves and recognize our problematic patterns. (14 Possible Reasons), What To Do If Your Husband Constantly Gropes You, 9 Ways To Respond To Unsolicited Advice From Others, My Boyfriend Still Talks To His Ex? (What To Do About It), Just Found Out Your Spouse Cheated Years Ago? In some marriages, the level of nitpicking may accelerate into blaming, severe criticism, and hurtful remarks. Learning how to stop nitpicking in a relationship only involves little action. The person nitpicking may think that theyre only making small comments, but that constant stream of negativity is going to wear down their partner and make them look for someone else who doesnt bring them down. can dissipate whatever issues they have been bottling up and help them speak up. "You are stubborn" . If so, no one will be able to meet your expectations and you'll always be disappointed. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle Read more in their lives too. I was always in the habit of trying to change my partner. When you feel like picking out a flaw, turn your own thinking around to simply be kind and show respect. Working . Adverse effects of nitpicking in a relationship, When you always point out your partners faults or comment on what they say wrong or how they do things, you demean and embarrass them. If the nitpicking continues, marriage counselingmay be the best option. If you want your partner to listen to your advice, you also have to return the honors. If you know that your partner nitpicks more when theyre upset or tired, watch their moods and see it coming before it happens. Developing Acceptance Skills in a Relationship, https://hbr.org/2021/02/a-simple-compliment-can-make-a-big-difference, https://www.researchgate.net/publication/322722211_The_Power_of_Listening_Lending_an_Ear_to_the_Partner_During_Dyadic_Coping_Conversations, Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. Verywell Mind's content is for informational and educational purposes only. Referring to an action that happened a long time to make your partner feel bad is nitpicking in relationships. It's important that you realize when nitpicking crosses the line into abuse. What is it that you really need? Besides, that statement will do nothing but aggravate whatever issue is on the ground. Or will you recognize your relationship as unhealthy and leave? The simple fact could be that your partner doesnt see things in the way you do. It might start an argument, whether short or ongoing. 13 Examples of a Double Standard in Relationships - Live Bold and Bloom Yelling is a common bullying tactic to control and manipulate. Appreciate that your partner may not approach things in the same way as you and, even if they dont do something perfectly in your eyes, know when theyre trying their best. You expect them to be your "everything" always providing all the emotional support you need and meeting all of your needs. Dont give them a reason to comment. To be heard, seen, or hugged? By Ann Papayoti Written on Aug 09, 2020. A common way to disarm them is to ask reasonable questions. There will always be a level of compromise, but if you want your relationship to work, you need to work together to find a way where the both of you can minimize the nitpicking and maximize your understanding of each other and your own self-awareness. Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. Equally, think about how youre feeling at the moment. You expect them to do all the "heavy lifting" in the relationship such as always doing all the chores around the house, making date plans, or initiating sex. A good place to get help is the website Relationship Hero here, youll be able to connect with a relationship counselor via phone, video, or instant message. Don't confuse manipulation or control-freak tendencies with being "nice" or "helpful.".

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