By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. 82. WebBest George Carlin Quotes 1. And in 2017,Rolling Stone magazine ranked Carlin second on its list of the 50 Best Stand-Up Comics of All Time, just behind Richard Pryor. If your kid needs a role model and you aint it, youre both f***ed. ago However, most of his bile was reserved for conservatives and Republicans. 122. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. It creates a hostile work environment. ~ (George Carlin). 15. 118. I respect animals. I have lots of ideas. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. And they own all the big media companies, so that they control just about all of the news and information you hear. So I know that a little later on this year, youre going to have another one of those really swell presidential elections that you like so much. Why would he do that? Some people see the glass half full. Keep 'em showing up at those 'jobs. 34. God has a three-day weekend. ~ (George Carlin). Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked. 21 George Carlin Quotes On Government And Politics May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. 9. Others see it half empty. Theyre all in favour of the unborn. If youre born in America you get a front row seat. ~ (George Carlin). They own and control the corporations. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. ", Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other peoples stuff., "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. But who is confident enough to give their persona the name Hendrix? '", Pride should be reserved for something you achieve or obtain on your own, not something that happens by accident of birth. I just dont have as many people who believe it. ~ (George Carlin). Why would God have a favorite country? Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Somebodys wasting their fucking time. TIME takes a look at some of the legendary comedian's most memorable lines. A good motto to live by: Always try not to get killed. Carlin took a liberal stance on most things, but generally found politics and politicians corrupt and ridiculous. BAM! Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Everybody says they suck. What's the fucking mystery? George Carlin was way ahead of his time. George Carlin was no stranger to controversy. We could see through the hypocracy and illogic of our parents and teachers, but because of our age and size we couldn't do anything about it. Thats the problem. ~ (George Carlin). "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. WebThis is the best we can do folks. 30. I just dont have as many people who believe it. "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Now theres one thing you might have noticed i dont complain about: politicians. Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. ~ (George Carlin). One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. ~ (George Carlin). Maybe something else sucks around here like: THE PUBLIC. George Carlin Quotes on Religion, Politics, Government When I ask how old your toddler is, I dont need to hear 27 months. Hes two will do just fine. Born in New York in 1937, George Carlin was an American comic icon, actor, social critic, and author. Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town. ", "In America, anyone can become president. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. [3], Carlin was equally hard on politics as he was on religion. So I have solved this little political dilemma for myself in a very simple way: on election-day, I-STAY-HOME.

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