Looking for more than just trust falls? 1. 40 Of Probably The Best One-Liner Jokes Ever | Bored Panda 52. You can either be right, or you can be happy." We hold major institutions accountable and expose wrongdoing. (Ex: Did you hear about the person who died while opening a window? There's no such thing as being overprepared. "Mae West, 11. The secret to life is to love who you are warts and all. David DeNotaris, 39. Funerals serve an important purpose for attendees. "A woman is like a tea bag: You can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water." If at first you dont succeed then skydiving definitely isnt for you. -, Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. -, In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back. -, Short cuts make long delays. - Pippin in. 65. "If you can't be kind, at least be vague. A dirty double-crosser. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. Unknown, 44. "Marcelene Cox, 97. O'Rourke, 88. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Corporate Gift Ideas Your Clients and Customers Will Love, 2023 SnackNation. We can do anything we want to if we stick to it long enough. Helen Keller, 28. "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. 2. Your coffee break partner. To prove he wasnt a chicken. Please enable Strictly Necessary Cookies first so that we can save your preferences! Funny One-Liner Jokes I asked the IT guy, "How do you make a Motherboard?" He said, "I tell her about my job." Why was Cinderella dropped from the soccer team? Copyright Entertainism & Buzzle.com, Inc. "Jim Carrey, 59. Think of your three best friends. There were a couple of no-shows, but I still had fun. The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph! Marvin Phillips, 4. 91. The hard part is getting them into the light bulb. Every moment is a fresh beginning. T.S Eliot, 80. A new study shows that one-third of people dont floss, while the other two-thirds couldnt answer with all the local anesthetic in their mouths. "You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there." 100+ Hilarious Steven Wright Quotes and Jokes | Thought Catalog "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Fun Office Games & Activities for Employees, Best Employee Engagement Software Platforms For High Performing Teams [HR Approved], Insanely Fun Team Building Activities for Work, The Best Employee Recognition Software Platforms, Corporate Gift Ideas Your Clients and Customers Will Love, Make an audience feel a stronger sense of, Release endorphins and calm anger for more productive debates, Plays on the human love of detecting discrepancies by illustrating a generally harmless mistake, misunderstanding, or departure from the norm. "David Lee Roth, 79. "Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin' across your face." Last night, I was driving, and I turned into a driveway. (Wiley). My son is now an entrepreneur. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. Ted Turner. Polite tennis players give each other backhanded compliments. Looking for a funny quote or saying to reflect the humor that underlies many facets of life? Its full of surprises, and things dont always turn out the way you plan. The trouble with getting to work on time is that it makes the day so long. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Also See: Epic Sarcastic and Bitchy Quotes Funny work quotes are some of the only things strong enough to fight off the Sunday Scariesby joking about Monday morning, of course. Phyllis Diller, 83. What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question and a joke? "No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early." "Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls, 47. "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true." Wanting to be someone else, is a waste of who you are. Kurt Cobain, 16. She is also the author of the 2018 novel Indecent. It truly is a win-win! Turn that frown upside down with these hilarious sayings about life, love, friendship, and work. Dwight Schrute, The Office, 22. (David Letterman)), Gives people an acceptable way to release their feelings on socially inappropriate topics, such as anger, bodily functions, online dating, or even the misfortunes of others. My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas. Heres a brief summary: These workplace greetings have become such a commonplace part of our lives, theyre practically rhetorical. Never mind, I shouldnt spread it. (Best Life), 5) Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. 64 Funny Quotes About Life That Are Painfully Accurate Whether you're having a bad day or know someone who could use a little cheering up, laughter really is the best medicine plus, there are so many ways to tickle your funny bone. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

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